User blog:Tangy Sponge Sauce/Fallout Wiki Chapter 1: What A Wonderful World
War... War never changes. October 23rd, 2077 was the beginning of the end. Nuclear warfare had broken out and the world we once knew was destroyed beyond recognition in a matter of hours. Most of those on the outside were lucky enough to die. Others... Well, that's a story for another time. One of our greatest inventions, Vaults, are large bomb shelters invented in case of this very crisis. Those smart enough to take heed to Vault-Tec's numerous warnings found themselves safe from any harm of the great war, and were in for a new, happy, and safe life underground. However, Vault Life isn't for everyone. In the hundreds of years since the war, humanity has taken a horrendous turn, and yet, some still want to see what the outside world has to offer. Some still want to rebuild what we once had. Others just want to further destroy our fucked up world. But the vault dwellers, they aren't ready. And they probably never will be. Once you leave, you can't go back. And once you're on the outside, only then will you learn that war never changes. 2288 Everyone: SURPRISE!! Happy birthday!! Sarah: Oh my God, you guys! You did all of this for us?! Pan: Oh. A surprise party... Thanks. Xav: We really fooled you guys, didn't we? Sarah: Yes! I never would've seen this coming! Thank you, Xav. Pan: -Nudges Sarah and whispers- I told you I saw them planning this weeks ago.. Sarah: Shh. Please, don't be rude. Not today. CJ: Sarah! Oh, and Pan! Happy birthday girls! My God, already 10 years old... You girls have grown so fast. You're mother and father would be so proud of you two. Sarah: Thanks uncle CJ. They'd be proud of you too for being so great to us. Pan: Can we change the subject, please? CJ: Of course... Listen, I know I said I wouldn't be spoiling you two this year, but I started working on this years ago and got him finished just in time, and I think you two are old enough now to properly utilize him. Say hello to your very own Mister Handy, Arisworth! Arisworth: Reporting for duty, master CJ! Sarah: OH MY GOD... A ROBOT?! Pan: ...A crummy Mister Handy. Yay. Arisworth: I resent that, young lady! I may not be one of those fancy, show-offy Mister Gutsy's, with their over-the-top arsonal of weaponry and ridiculous personality modes, but I am indeed the most loyal, and tidy robot you shall ever encounter! Sarah: He's incredible! Thank you so much, Uncle CJ! Pan, cmon. Don't you have something nice to say? Pan: Thanks, I guess. He could be useful. CJ: I'm glad you two like him! If you ever need time to focus on more important matters, Arisworth here can take care of all your household needs in a jiffy! Oh, and here are some sweet rolls that I made. Happy birthday girls, enjoy your party! Sarah: Thanks Uncle CJ! Michi: UGH! This cake is going to make me puke! MY party had a delicious chocolate cake made by my Miss Nanny! This disgusting piece of cardboard must've been made by that junky Mister Handy they got... Ugh, what losers! Cam: Haha, yeah. Uhh, you know, they can probably hear you right? Michi: WHO CARES! They SHOULD hear me! I'm starving over here! Sarah: Is there a problem? Michi: YES! I'm famished and your dumb robot made this god-awful tooth paste covered loaf of bread you call cake! Hey, give me your sweet roll! Sarah: Umm... It's just.. this is my sweet roll, Michi. My uncle gave it to me. Michi: I don't care! Fork it over, or Cam and I will MAKE you! Cam: Ha, Yeah! Pan: Hey Michi. You might want to choose your next words carefully. You don't want me bludgoning that face of yours again. Michi: HEY! You got in a free shot that time! In fact, how about we make it even, here and now? Cam, back me up! Cam: Err, okay! -Everyone gathers around to see Pan and Michi fighting- CJ: GIRLS! THAT IS ENOUGH! Pan: I was just defending my sister, CJ. CJ: I don't care what you were doing! I am the overseer of this vault, and you know I have a zero tolerance policy for violence! You, Cam and Michi are to return to your quarters for the rest of the day. Pan: I HATE you! You will NEVER be a replacement parent for me, no matter how hard you try, and no amount of robots or sweet rolls will change that! Sarah: Pan, please I- CJ: Let her go, Sarah. Michi: THIS ISN'T FAIR! I DEMAND JUSTICE AT ONCE!! PAN STARTED THIS WHOLE THING! Cam: Yeah! We were just minding our own business and she- CJ: Cam, Michi? Get the fuck out. You two have caused enough trouble for one day. Xav: I'm sorry the party isn't going quite as planned Sarah... Michi and Cam never know when to quit. Sarah: It's fine! Aside from the fighting, i've actually had a really great time. Arisworth: I concur with Master Xav! I have failed my duties as your Mister Handy already. I.. I shall leave the vault post-haste! A swift death in the wasteland will be a blessing compared to this lifetime of shame! Sarah: Arisworth, really! Everything is okay. I don't want you to leave, and I certainly don't want you to get ripped apart in the wasteland! Arisworth: But how, madame?! How can I begin to cope with my great shame! Sarah: By listening to me! You don't have to be a perfect robot, Arisworth. You're more than just a mister handy. You're a part of our little family now. Arisworth: -Sniff- Oh, if I had tear ducts I would certainly drown the entire vault, ma'am! You are too kind for this mister handy! CJ: Sarah! Xav! It's time for pin the tail on the donkey! Sarah: Oh, coming! Cmon Arisworth, you can play too! Arisworth: Oh dear. How can I begin to do what master CJ has instructed? It is my duty as a mister handy to do what he is told.. however, he DID give me away... Perhaps... No. No! I must- Sarah: Arisworth, are you coming? Arisworth: Right away, ma'am! 8 Years Later... CJ: As far as I can tell, you're a perfectly healty 18 year old woman. There is no reason you can't take your G.O.A.T today, Sarah. Sarah: -Gags- But i'm really sick, CJ! Please give me a break! Pan: Enough. We both know you're faking. You aren't making me do this alone, Sarah. Sarah: Ugh... you always have to be such a wet blanket. Fine! I'll take the god damn G.O.A.T. CJ: Music to my ears! Now go, embrace your futures! Pan: Ha. You really thought you were going to get away with your little act. Sarah: Well, yeah! And I would've, if not for you. Pan: It's about time he figures you out! He's always so hard on me, meanwhile you get to be his perfect little princess. I swear, he's always liked you more than me. Sarah: Cmon Pan, we both know thats not- Michi: Oh hey girls! Here for the G.O.A.T? What a fucking waste of time!! Sarah: Oh God... Pan: Michi... Lovely as always. Michi: But of course! Listen, what could the G.O.A.T possibly have to offer EITHER of you clowns? We both know you're going to end up being good for nothing but sweeping the diner with the other buckets of bolts! Cam: HAHA! Yeah! Sarah: Please just go away... Pan: HEY. We both know what happens every time you fuck with us Michi. Why not save me the detention, save yourself the fucked up face, and just leave us alone? Michi: -Pushes Pan- What? Are you fucking scared? Huh? CJ: MICHI! Again? Michi: Oh for fucks sake... CJ: Because today is the G.O.A.T, I will let this slide. But trust this: You really want to get your behavior under control. I won't ask again. Michi: Oh.. Alright. Cmon Cam. CJ: Sarah, are you alright? Sarah: Yeah, but Pan- CJ: Ok. Good luck on your G.O.A.T! Pan: Sarah, you really need to learn to stick up to them. We aren't kids anymore. Sarah: I'm sorry. I just agree with uncle CJ. We don't have to resort to violence. Pan: Sarah, you are too naive for this world. What happens if the vault is compromised and we are forced out into the Capital Wasteland? Are you just gonna let the killers out there tear you to shreds because you don't like violence? Sarah: Stop. That will never happen. Lets just get this test over with. I wanna know what my future is. Pan: Fine. But you should really think about this, Sarah. I'd hate to lose you out there.. Mrs Lauren: Good morning you hopeless motherfuckers. Welcome to the Generalized Occupational Aptitude Test, also known by you lazy fucks as the G.O.A.T. I have an important date in one hour so I don't want any goddamn delays. Answer fast and move to the next fucking question. Got it? Cam: Pleasant as always, huh Mrs Lauren? Lauren: Shut the fuck up you dickless cunt. I mean fucking business today. Michi: HA! Cam's in trouble! Lauren: And you will be too you spineless whore. NEXT PERSON TO EVEN BREATHE LOUDLY GETS FUCKING PISTOL WHIPPED, GOT IT?! And remember: This test is complete and utter bullshit. A multiple choice test won't deicde rather you become the next overseer or a depraved psychopath planning on killing us all. You decide that. The G.O.A.T told me I'd be a famous hairdresser. I hate this fucking job. Now, let us begin... 4 Years Later... Xav: PAAAAN!! PAN WAKE THE FUCK UP. NOW!! Pan: Oh... goddammit Xav... what do you want? Xav: WE DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME PAN, YOU HAVE TO WAKE UP NOW!! SARAH AND CJ ARE GONE AND THE VAULT WAS LEFT WIDE FUCKING OPEN! RAIDERS ARE IN HERE!! Pan: Wait, they're gone?! Sarah would NEVER leave the vault! Arisworth: I'm afraid master Xav is telling the truth, much as it pains me! And I'll have you know now, I had nothing to do with this horrendous act of treason, and I refuse to be accused of such! Pan: Okay, you know what? Both of you shut up NOW! I need the two of you to pull it together and help me got out of here. We HAVE to find Sarah. Arisworth: Pray tell how, ma'am! Those leather-wearing freak shows have surrounded us! We could never beat them! Pan: I don't give a fuck. I'd rather die trying to get out of here than just sit here and let Sarah be killed in the wasteland. You two can stay here and rot, I am leaving with or without you! Xav: Pan, i'm coming... Sarah is my best friend. We're in this together. Arisworth: Of all the... Oh, how I sometimes loathe my position! Fine, I shall assist you two in your mission to rescue madame Sarah and master CJ. Pan: Good. Now lets go. Michi: HELP!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!! Raider: Aww, are you scared? You fuckin SHOULD BE! -Pan shoots the raider in the head- Michi: Pa.. PAN?! You saved me! Why would- Pan: Shut up. And come with me if you want to survive. Michi: BUT CAM! I don't know where he is!! Pan: We don't have time for this!! Come with us or die here! Michi: Okay okay... I'm coming!! Arisworth: My God, look at all this carage! Half of our people are nothing but blood splatters on the wall now! Oh, if only I had been made as a setry bot! I'd set these ruffians straight! Xav: I mean, it's not like your powerless.. Why not go in there and chop them all up with your built in razor blades? Arisworth: I'll hear no such talk, young man! I am but a helpless little mister handy, razors or no! I detect sabotage... You WANT me to be destroyed! Pan: WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS BULLSHIT. WE HAVE TO GET TO EMERGENCY EXIT! Michi: There is another one in CJ's headquarters... Me and Cam... we have left the vault a few times. We know our way around. We could get there without risking a fight with the raiders. Pan: Wait you... Forget it, lets go now!! -Pan, Michi, Arisworth and Xav make their way to the exit- Lauren: YOU! You... you made it out of there alive? Fuck, I thought I'd be the only one! Xav: Mrs Lauren! I can't believe you're alive! Lauren: OF COURSE I'M FUCKING ALIVE! I know more about the wasteland than ANY of you pussies! Thats why you need to take me with you! You won't make it a day without my help! Pan: Fine, fuck it, lets just get out of here and find Sarah! -The five wanderers exit the vault and are greeted by the harsh, radiated wasteland and merciless sunlight- Pan: Jesus Christ... this is it. This is the Capital Wasteland. Arisworth: If I had the ability to, I would surely be soiling myself at this sight... Look at all the garbage! The dirt! The mud! It's an abomination! I feel faint... Pan: Pull it together Arisworth. We need to find shelter. Weapons... Maybe some other people to help us. And we have to find Sarah. Xav: I can't believe this... Michi: I know where we can go... There is a friendly settlement Cam and I used to get comics from. it's called Megaton. Pan: Alright then, that is where we are headed. Maybe they have information about Sarah. No matter what happens guys... this... this is our home now. TO BE CONTINUED... Category:Blog posts